by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
