Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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