Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
