your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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