you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
