so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
