What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Houston, we have a blender
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
