just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
