Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
