i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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