I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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