I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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