There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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