JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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