forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
is that a dick in a sweater?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
