Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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