Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Drake has all the answers
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
