How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
