I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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