I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize