fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
