I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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