im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize