i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
dude. I can hear the air.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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