Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize