Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
