my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
4 words: hood of his car
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
