Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
