From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
