I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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