just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
