So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
