hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
