U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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