would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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