When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
