You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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