New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
how does that bad decision feel?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
