Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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