brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
