I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
