Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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