Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
