Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
