We named our party play list daddy issues
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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