Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
NoShamevember. You game?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
