We're like a lot better than the average bears
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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