I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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