I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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