Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
