What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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