I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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