i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the room spins SO much faster in panama
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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