They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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