I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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