I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
