i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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