the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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