Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
