After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
