i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
