Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
