i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
