The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
