Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
