Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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