At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
