i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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