He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
