Small penises have feelings too.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize