just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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