Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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