her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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