i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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