Christians are straight up FREAKS
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
the raccoons are back...
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