saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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