Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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