I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
