This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
