That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
