In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
